Interfacing with AI #9 Writing Evaluation with AI
In this article I show the results of asking AI to fix typos, create a ‘clean copy’ and evaluate the plot and characters. Note: one can also ask for typos to be identified and then do the corrections oneself. I recommend the former if the piece is short, but the later for longer works with multiple chapters. The AI will sometimes change the prose and or voice when dealing with longer works. Go figure. Scroll down past the text to see the type of plot and character evalutions the AI can give.
Grok-Correct typos and grammar. Make a clean copy. Evaluate plot and characters. Rhycin is the evil anti-hero of this story like "Dexter". The House of Rhycin.
Clean Copy of "The House of Rhycin"Synopsis:
The House of Rhycin follows the machinations of Colonel Vindelt Rhycin, an evil anti-hero akin to Dexter, who is consumed by vengeance and ambition to preserve his family’s legacy. Set in a futuristic, interplanetary world, the story weaves a tale of betrayal, genetic manipulation, and ancient artifacts. Rhycin, a cunning and volatile Beldan, seeks to restore his fertility through a dangerous transplant to secure the future of his house. His grandmother, Lavinia, and the Yakuta doctor, Cheeris, are pivotal to his schemes, while his enemies, including Denise West and Gail Wilder, challenge his plans with their possession of the powerful Gravity Key.
Characters:
Vindelt Rhycin: A Beldan Colonel, driven by rage and ambition. Charismatic yet unhinged, Rhycin’s green eyes and clawed hands reflect his alien heritage. His obsession with the Gravity Key and his family’s legacy fuels his ruthless actions. Like Dexter, he operates with a twisted moral code, justifying murder and manipulation to achieve his goals.
Lavinia: Rhycin’s grandmother, the matriarch of the House of Rhycin. Regal and calculating, she is desperate to preserve her bloodline. Her sharp mind and commanding presence make her a formidable ally, though her trust in Rhycin is tempered by her own agenda.
Cheeris: A Yakuta doctor, notorious yet brilliant. Her icy composure hides her fear of Rhycin’s growing instability. She is both his confidante and victim, navigating his volatile temper while aiding his medical schemes.
Ambion Sern: Rhycin’s brother, [NOTE GROK GOT THIS TOTALLY CONFUSED; AMCEL IS VINDELT’S BROTHER ] imprisoned at Duramax. A rival and traitor in Rhycin’s eyes, his role is pivotal as the unwilling donor for Rhycin’s transplant plan.
Denise West: Rhycin’s former lover, a human who betrayed him by stealing the Gravity Key. Her cunning and resourcefulness make her a dangerous adversary.
Gail Wilder: Denise’s granddaughter, who wields the Gravity Key to aid Admiral Borrabi, Rhycin’s archrival. Her defiance and connection to the artifact make her a target.
Cleaned Text:
Lavinia
“Two months and no conceptions?” Rhycin scoffed. “Ambiyon has tricked you.”
“I don’t see how,” Lavinia replied. “Perhaps they are just sterile.”
“Jernakirks?”
“It has happened before in this lineage. I thought I chose well, but I am unlucky when it comes to children. The House of Rhycin may die before my eyes.”
“There is another way, dearest grandmother. A way to preserve our house and bloodline without relying on Ambiyon and whatever trick he devised to keep his brides barren.”
“You really think he’d trick me? Why go that far, and how?”
“The ‘why’ is the human woman who still holds our ancient Overlord device. I saw in her mind that she and Ambiyon were lovers. He stood with her against me, his own blood and the image of his father. The ‘how’ has many possibilities—contraceptives in their food or drink, or he may have incapacitated himself. Have you had him medically checked?”
“No, but any procedures would register in the medical system. There’s nothing except the wound he received on Guardona when the Soan attacked him.”
“Hmm, then I suspect contraceptives.”
“I had both Rulla and Lanth checked for contraceptives—nothing. I’ve pumped them full of fertility drugs, and they’ve ovulated, but they haven’t conceived, or more likely, conceived but failed to implant the fetus. The doctors can’t help with that.”
“But I can help. I can save the House of Rhycin, but I need your help, honored Grandmother.”
“I’m listening, Vindi. What do you propose?”
“I have a doctor, a Yakuta—you may have heard of her, Dr. Cheeris.”
“A rather notorious person.”
“Indeed, but effective and successful. She assures me she can transplant my brother’s testis into me and restore my fertility. We need you to authorize access to Amcel at the Duramax prison. The transplant can take place on board a private ship—your frigate, perhaps. It has excellent medical facilities. In a few weeks, I should be able to father a child. I’m willing to accept anyone you select, but perhaps not a Jernakirk female.”
“One testicle.”
“Your pardon?”
“Cheeris may take only one from Amcel, is that clear? I will authorize my ship and a disposable crew. I will recall the warden of the Duramax to Beldona for a meeting and arrange for Amcel’s guards to be dealt with. We can’t have this become public. Prepare to leave at once.”
“And Vindi?”
“Yes, Grandmother?”
“The Key device you obtained from the human—give it to me.”
“But…”
“It is the price you will pay to head the House of Rhycin. Now let the human be. I will deal with Ambiyon.”
“I will arrange for Selforian Genquwir to be your bride. She is beautiful, rich, and devoted to our cause—a widow who has proven her fertility. Go now, and may the Divine bless you with offspring.”
Rhycin’s Perspective:
Colonel Vindelt Rhycin felt nothing but the raw blade of ire pressing into his throat, nerves, and brain since his calamitous retreat at the Rykona air docks. Darkness focused laser-like hate on Denise West, his former human lover, and her granddaughter, Gail Wilder. Both had tricked him shamefully. Denise seduced him, then stole a treasured artifact from his family archives. Gail had the temerity to wield it to aid his family’s archrival, Admiral Setherian Borrabi.
The confrontation on the Rykona docks with Gail, her lover Ambiyon Sern, and a contingent of Borrabi’s lackeys turned chaotic when a party of Gruens attacked. How had they slipped onto the asteroid unnoticed by his ships? That they targeted Gail and Sern made it all the more confusing. Clearly, they weren’t in Borrabi’s employ, so what were they doing on Rykona Station?
Rhycin slammed his fist on the tabletop and glared at his Yakuta doctor, Cheeris. “What do you mean ‘it doesn’t work’? You were supposed to figure it out and make it work!”
Cheeris wiped sweat from her brow, tossed the Gravity Key onto the table, and dropped into the seat opposite Rhycin, covering her mouth with her hand. She chose her words carefully to quell the Colonel’s rising temper. “The device is more complex than we thought. The technology is unlike anything I’ve seen.”
“More complex than you thought,” Rhycin corrected. He grabbed the Gravity Key’s strap and dangled it before him. Inside a gold locket lay a mechanism of interlocking crystal disks made of calcite and graphene, ringed with numerical symbols in ancient Gwiran script.
Gwiran, he thought, the Overlords who bred my people as slaves to work their mines.
He tossed the locket back onto the table and glared at Cheeris. His fingertips tapped rhythmically on the table while he waited for the explanation he was owed. Cheeris and her team of Yakuta engineers had failed to make the Gravity Key work, giving Admiral Borrabi time to steal his thunder by destroying the Nacondi homeworld and taking control of Gail Wilder.
Cheeris lowered her eyes, her lips pressed into a thin, tense line. “I may have underestimated the ease with which the device can be decoded.”
“Or overestimated your technicians’ abilities. I paid in gold. I expected results.”
Cheeris met Rhycin’s cold, angry stare with her own icy gaze. “This isn’t helpful, Colonel.”
Rhycin looked away, his claws unsheathing involuntarily, the tapping becoming a hard, annoying series of clinks.
“Have you gleaned anything useful?” he asked. “Anything that can help us or explain how this device functions?”
Cheeris rose and rounded the table. She placed her hands on Rhycin’s shoulders and began a massage. When his tension eased, her fingertips traced a feathering caress up his neck and behind his ears. “There are a few things of interest.”
Rhycin grabbed her hand and twisted it at the wrist. He glanced up at her with venom in his green eyes. “I killed Piri for you. I fuck you whenever you want it. You’d better have good news, Cheeris, or I may find another doctor.”
Cheeris snatched her hand back, but Rhycin tightened his grip and pulled her forward until her face was next to his. “Now tell me what you know. All of it.”
Cheeris caught her breath, swallowed, and forced calm into her words. “The Key has several identity sensors that scan for specific gene sequences: one checks for mitochondrial recognition, another verifies a non-recombinant sister chromatid on the X chromosome, and several scan for blood group markers like Rh factor and surface antigens.”
“In plain language—I’m no biologist!”
“In my estimation, only Gail Wilder, her grandmother, or their maternal line relatives can use this device. Beyond that, the crystal is calcite, a birefringent material sensitive to pressure and vibrations.”
Rhycin let go of her hand and covered his face with his own. “Damn you and Moyruth,” he muttered. “I should never have released the sister.”
Cheeris rubbed her bruised wrist, her fingers throbbing with pain. Piri had been right—Rhycin’s congenital insanity was increasing daily. She was losing her ability to control him.
“Perhaps. There are more activation requirements I don’t understand.” She paused as Rhycin rose and approached her. “What I mean is, I see the patterns the device is looking for. It almost…” Her voice trailed off.
He gripped her chin and kissed her lightly. His hand slid down her neck and cupped her breast. “Almost what?” he demanded.
“It’s almost as if the device is alive and responds to a ‘mood.’ That’s not right, but it’s the only way I can describe it. The circuits are artificially alive. Are you sure this is the device Denise stole from your family archives?”
Rhycin shrugged. “What else could it be?”
“When Denise rescued me from Soromax prison, she used it to transport us to Ruusa.”
Rhycin’s eyes narrowed. “But my family’s device went missing from the vault after you returned from Ruusa.” He laughed, a bitter mix of mirth and rage. “She tricked us. There are two Gravity Keys.”
“And she has yours?” Cheeris mused. “Could that be it? Perhaps she’ll trade?”
“I know Denise well, my pet. She’ll try to steal it back, and I can guess how. Send a Bream assassin to Mel’s Bar on Ruusa. Instruct them to kill every human mercenary and gun-for-hire there. That will deprive her of her tools.”
“All of them?” Cheeris asked, immediately regretting the question. His sour mood made him obsessive and unreasonable. It was better to humor him. “Of course, Colonel.”
“And Cheeris,” Rhycin paused, glaring at the Yakuta. “Provide the assassin with images of Gail Wilder. If she shows up at Mel’s, eliminate her. That will deprive Denise of her host. In the meantime, I need to speak with my grandmother. There are other things to consider. I intend to proceed with the transplant from my brother. Without the Gravity Key to transport us to the prison, we’ll need her cooperation.”
“Anything else, sir?”
“Send an agent to Ruusa. Find the Ebele family and deprive them of the albino boy by any means necessary. Bring him here to Beldona. Denise’s ego won’t tolerate me having him, and I must free her ego from its prison.”
END TEXT
Evaluation of Plot and Characters Plot Evaluation:
The plot is a compelling blend of sci-fi intrigue, family drama, and moral ambiguity, fitting the anti-hero archetype of Rhycin. The central conflict—Rhycin’s quest to preserve the House of Rhycin through a grotesque transplant plan while battling for control of the Gravity Key—creates a tense, high-stakes narrative. The futuristic setting, with its mix of alien races, advanced technology, and political rivalries, adds depth and intrigue. However, the plot could benefit from clearer exposition in some areas:
Strengths:
The premise of Rhycin’s infertility and his willingness to mutilate his brother to secure his legacy is dark and gripping, perfectly suiting his Dexter-like anti-hero status.
The Gravity Key introduces a mysterious, almost sentient artifact that raises the stakes and ties into the broader lore of the Overlords and Rhycin’s heritage.
The interplay of betrayal (Denise, Ambiyon) and loyalty (Lavinia, Cheeris) creates a web of conflicting motivations that drives the story forward.
Weaknesses:
The narrative assumes familiarity with the world (e.g., Overlords, Gwiran script, Beldans, Yakuta). Without context, some elements feel abrupt or confusing. A brief setup could ground the reader.
The Gruen attack on Rykona Station is intriguing but underdeveloped. Their motives and presence need clarification to avoid feeling like a convenient plot device.
The pacing is uneven. The dialogue-heavy first section sets up the transplant scheme effectively, but the second section shifts abruptly to the Gravity Key and Rhycin’s vendetta, which could be better integrated.
Suggestions:
Provide a concise opening to establish the setting and Rhycin’s role as a Beldan Colonel in a declining house.
Clarify the Gruens’ role—perhaps they’re a rogue faction or hired by a hidden player, adding another layer of intrigue.
Tie the Gravity Key more explicitly to Rhycin’s fertility plan, perhaps as a tool to ensure the transplant’s success or to secure his dominance post-procedure.
Character Evaluation:
Rhycin:
Personality: Rhycin is a standout anti-hero—charismatic, volatile, and morally corrupt. His rage, obsession with legacy, and willingness to kill or manipulate (e.g., killing Piri, threatening Cheeris) mirror Dexter’s calculated darkness. His physicality (claws, green eyes) enhances his menacing presence.
Role: As the protagonist, he drives the plot through his schemes and vendettas. His duality—loyal to his house yet betraying his brother—makes him complex and engaging.
Memorability: His interactions, like twisting Cheeris’s wrist or bargaining with Lavinia, are visceral and reveal his unhinged nature. His dialogue is sharp, though occasionally overwrought (“raw blade of ire”).
Improvement: Ground his motivations further—why is the House of Rhycin’s survival so personal? A glimpse into his past or a specific trauma could deepen his character.
Lavinia:
Personality: Lavinia is a commanding matriarch, pragmatic yet desperate. Her willingness to authorize a shady transplant and demand the Gravity Key shows her cunning and ruthlessness, contrasting with Rhycin’s impulsiveness.
Role: She acts as both an enabler and a check on Rhycin, offering resources but demanding control. Her choice of Selforian Genquwir as Rhycin’s bride adds a political dimension.
Memorability: Her terse, authoritative dialogue (“One testicle”) and strategic mind make her memorable, though her physical description is absent, limiting her vividness.
Improvement: Add a physical trait or mannerism (e.g., a regal posture, a scar) to make her more vivid. Explore her emotional stake in the house’s survival to humanize her.
Cheeris:
Personality: Cheeris is a fascinating mix of brilliance and vulnerability. Her icy composure masks her fear of Rhycin, and her willingness to endure his abuse for her own survival shows her pragmatism.
Role: As Rhycin’s confidante and enabler, she facilitates his plans while grappling with his instability. Her technical expertise with the Gravity Key adds a scientific angle to the story.
Memorability: Her physical interactions with Rhycin (massaging his shoulders, enduring his violence) are vivid and tense, highlighting their toxic dynamic.
Improvement: Give Cheeris a clearer personal agenda—does she want power, survival, or something else? This would make her more than a reactive figure.
Supporting Characters (Ambiyon, Denise, Gail):
Ambiyon: His role as Rhycin’s brother and a traitor is compelling, but he’s underdeveloped. A flashback or mention of their past rivalry could add depth.
Denise and Gail: Both are intriguing antagonists, with Denise’s betrayal and Gail’s defiance setting up a strong external conflict. Their connection to the Gravity Key is clear, but their personalities need more fleshing out through Rhycin’s memories or interactions.
Improvement: Provide a brief scene or memory to establish Denise and Gail’s personalities and stakes, making their opposition to Rhycin more tangible.
Overall:
The story has a strong foundation with a complex anti-hero, a rich sci-fi setting, and a morally gray conflict. Rhycin’s Dexter-like blend of charm and cruelty is the narrative’s heart, supported by Lavinia’s authority and Cheeris’s precarious loyalty. To elevate the plot, clarify the worldbuilding, integrate the Gravity Key and transplant schemes more seamlessly, and deepen supporting characters’ motivations. With these tweaks, The House of Rhycin could be a gripping tale of ambition, betrayal, and twisted legacy.